Awake in the dark

Ever wake up in the middle of the night?
There is that creepy shadow lurking around, what do you do?
Been a few nights when I wake up and am surrounded by darkness
I hallucinate many things, know fully well that nothing is there.

The boogey-man feels around, what is a boogey-man anyway?
I flip on the light and go to the bathroom, I reassure myself that I am ok!
I can't look in to a mirror at this time of night afraid of what I'll see, even if it is nothing.

Morning sun re-awakes me, and I feel exhausted.

Daily

Thinking about. Wondering open minded.
Teaching the world what is in my head.
I enjoy learning the lesson of the day whatever that may be
someday will be my day
and on the day i will find the world
in peace.

Thinking alone, writing my thoughts
easy they come.

Typing is simpler then using a pen and paper anymore
I am going to go
but leave you with this thought...
What is the world waiting for?!?!

Old vacation

This summer vacation was not the best vacation I have had

I went to California to gather some things to bring back
On the way back we brought my mom
She helped me drive and drove us nuts on the road
When we arrived, unloaded the car then settle in for a long rest
The first few days were getting things back to normal
My mom enjoys pestering.

Within a week she had a mild heart attack
We took her to the hospital things were looking good
During a routine stress test the results came out abnormal
They rushed her to a bigger hospital
She spent a total of 4 nights in hospitals and ended up with surgery
The doctor replaced a stent a pervious doctor had put in
She got released
Back to our house she went

During all the hospital trips, she was scheduled to depart by air to Texas
Things got turned upside down and a new plane ticket was issued
She left Washington on the 11th of July and arrived in Texas the same day

Also while this was happening
My sister and I got in to a strong argument
I almost lost my place of living
I arranged to get back in therapy
Things are still rocky but better then before
That is my vacation, how was yours?

Discovery

If there was a new discovery to be made, I would want it to be The Domesticated Panther; a way for Wild Panthers to become a household pet. Being a wild animal it would take a serious person because domesticating animals is no laughing matter. Training would require plenty of time and patience. A good age to start training a cub would be 5-6 weeks.

I would start researching the history of the panther at the zoo. Some things I would look for are traits inherited from adult panthers, strange illnesses, and other sickness which could be a problem in the future. During the Zoo visit, I would inquire about the exercise routine and length given to the panthers so that I could have an idea as to what size property and time frame I would need. In asking about the routines in feeding I would note what type of food they supply for the wild cats, and how the feeders greet the animal during that time.

A few problems that may arise during the training process are, socializing with other animals & humans, feeding habits, teething, and potty training. I would declaw the panther at an early stage so that my home would remain intact while the day went on. Not to mention I would also spay or neuter the wild cat.

One great benefit that would make me want to discover this is the exotic nature of the panther that could be trained to be guard cat, but could also be a friendly household kitty in the morning, during the day, and even at night if it slept in the house.

Thoughts on Spring

The last few years were filled with new experiences. I am finding out what a wild flower I have become. I have come from many different settings and situations, and I have been trying to land in that one special garden. The sun has yet to shine, but there’s still time, so there’s no sense in rushing. Rainy days have greeted me all winter, and I am looking forward to this spring where I can enjoy the sunshine and feel the warmth.
From seedling to now I have made my choices and they are blossoming in to my life so peacefully. I look back and realize my life is how it should be for right now. I am still growing and learning everyday.

Home Town

Lancaster expands

Wasteland and City Like

BBQ’s Aroma so Thick you Savor

Loud Music in Cars, Midnight Races, Suddenly sirens

Nosey Neighbors, Reckless Teens and Shouting Parents, Night Guards Watching

The Pregnancy of Friends, Enjoyment of New babies, Cassidy, Kiah, and Starla

While Friends become Parents, you take Part in New Lives, such Innocence

Someday, My Time will be to join the Parenting Crowd

The Friend of a Lifetime, Coti, will Help

Life is completed in many ways

Daily Summer Sun Blaze

Expanding Lancaster

Never ashamed of counseling

I have had the pleasure of being in therapy for over 10yrs.
I believe that it is the goal to life, and it should be viewed as helpful not 'oh she's crazy she goes to therapy".
Things haven't been very great to me over the last 10years so I have been benefitting from counseling; it's a great resource to have that special someone to talk to. When you have someone that can understand your issues and has a degree to help you out, why not use them as a tool to help you work through those things!

A few of my friends have always looked at me awkwardly, saying "what do you need them for, I am here for you" or they would say "what do you learn; you don't look like you have many problems". One thing I can tell you 'never judge a book by its cover' because once you do the impression is mostly wrong. I, myself don't look like I have issues but I do. They aren't the kind that stick out and look obvious, I don't have any tumors or scars that are exposed and that are my issue no... it's deeper then that, maybe there are many people in the world who have issues that are not yelling out the window "look at me".

So when people mention "I think I need help" I often tell them about therapy and how good it's treated me. Sharing my story helps other get over the stigmata or the stereo-type of therapy patients.

My family
At first they didn't like the idea I was the second person to attend counseling. The first was my aunt and her problem was shared among the family she had 2 children in prison, so she had a 'good reason' to get help. They said she was depressed because her kids were gone and she was left with a guilty feeling being the bad mom ect... I on the other hand did not have an issue so extreme; they couldn't find a way to cope with my reason. Since I was little I always had issues with; homework, school, friends, my mom. There are many things that my family couldn't understand I didn't expect them too. My grandpa has depression and grew up with severe anger issues but he never attended any kind of therapy. So issues run in my family I am sure it runs around everywhere just have to look a bit harder.

It's never to late to get help. I recommend anyone to talk to someone about any problem they have. Talking helps, even if its just a little chit-chatting here and there...

Dreams

Interesting
That the days that pass me by
Thinking about things unchanged
Imagine life if it were all a ‘new
Ideas that flood my brain
-All bunched up & unable to understand-

It’s been a while
Since my paper thoughts were worth reading
Wonderful feeling being noticed for these precious words
New daily dreams appear and I enjoy reliving them

Life was always so chaotic now seem to mellow
Minor bursts of craziness
There still time for a mid-summer nap

Always noticing bad things trying to avoid the good
Annoying habits get corrected only when words get spoken

Wondering what’s in store for me next
Massive goals are presented just within reach what is stopping me from taking them and moving on

Traveling
New places wait to greet me
Yet I am afraid to journey alone
Comfort is what I seek this comfort is a need

Perfect world is non-existent
I will daydream until this void is complete
Weather be sun or rain
I will dream & in this dream I will be.

Mini-Traveling

California, Mexico, Boston & Washington
These are places I have lived, some for not very long others for many years. Plenty of memories were made in these places. A few were sad, some her exciting, and some were just humble. Here is where I’ll begin to share a couple of them with you.

California, this state was where I was born and mostly raised with few trips to other places I mainly grew up in the southern part of California. This was the first place I started my life, by walking, talking, & growing. I have lived in California for over 18years with a few months here and there of a ‘living’ vacation in another place. In the 18+ years I have been there I grew in to a young lady, with the boyfriend experiences, and school attendance issues. This place was where I learned my lesson in shoplifting. Living in California I learned several things including how to ride a bike, swim, and attempt to enjoy life.

Mexico, this country was a new experience at age 6. I was found to be the rich kid in town. I had many friends I attended school for one and a half years. I lived in a decent little house on a hill, but that’s not where I first lived in Mexico. My first temporary housing situation was in a tent in an unfinished built house, it had no windows, and no doors, not even a floor, only one of dirt. It was very dirty; we used a camping stove and walked up pails of water to bathe with. This was a strange place to live. The whole town knew each other, people didn’t mind leaning about one another, and they were all so friendly.

Boston, now this place was a large city; I didn’t live in the downtown part of it but pretty close. Quincy was the town I lived in; it had a bus system like no other place I have seen. The train ran every 10 or so minutes and you could catch it to anywhere in the city. In downtown Boston, you could walk to a few train stops or ride the train to the same spot. Taxis were everywhere you turned. I never really got a chance to ‘yell’ for a taxi but I wanted to. Living in Boston was very interesting, the kind of people you saw, and the different races all surviving the big city together. I really was in a different environment there.

Washington is this green, tree infested land. Walk out your door and get lost in the woods. The town of Shelton is simple and sweet. The people are pretty nice, and helpful. I learn many things being in new places and I tell you this is a good peaceful place to be learning about anything. The air is so clean, and the smell is fresh. The bus line for the county is free; not very often you get a free ride around town. The roads are easy to get in to and out of own, one main highway to the city. Given there are many freeways to take you to other places. Life out there seems relaxing, even the city is nice to be in. Living in Washington is different just like any other place, the only difference is the air seems alive with plant life, the cars are the same like any other state, but I guess with all the trees the air gets filtered daily.

Driving Experience

A time I first learned to do something was when I was 16 ½ yrs old.
It was in a car, I was learning to drive a stick-shift. At first it was very hard, and scary. There was a time where I drove up to an intersection as I was approaching, the light turned red. I panicked and tried to remember what to do, the car freaked since I didn’t react as needed, it stalled. I remember my mom was telling me to just start the car again and my friend in the back was laughing, I was horrified that I couldn’t control my actions quick enough and felt like giving up. The lesson ended and I started to cry still at the red light which was about to turn green I pleaded my mom to take over. The friend in the back wanted to give it a try but I was angry and upset that I couldn’t do it and he shouldn’t try either. My mom drove us both home…

That whole year I practiced driving more, and more I got better at it and finally got the hang of it. The week of my driver’s test my mom’s car was out of commission, I was nervous the car would not be back in time for my test. The day of the test, her car was still not back, so I asked another friend if I could barrow her car for the test and she Okayed it. I was not used to her car, it was big and square, the seats were lower and the dash board was longer. During the test all was going well until I needed to come to a complete stop (her breaks weren’t great) I failed to look in to a blind spot and I didn’t stop enough and I failed.
I learned if its something important and it won’t work right away just be patient and things will eventually work out. If I wasn’t rushing the test and waited for my moms car to return I probably would have passed with flying colors, since the next time I took the test I had the car I practiced with and I was familiar with it, I had no issues stopping or shifting everything went swell.

The day I got my license it was the best feeling in the world, it meant I did something all by myself. It took a little time but it was worth the wait!
So I went threw many feelings. Scared, nervous, angry, upset, excited, and finally proud!

LISA - Whom I admire

I admire my sister Lisa. She lives is California, with her family. She has been a great role model for me while I was going through some things. I found that I care about her well being more then I showed.

Some things I think about when her name is mentioned are; family, friendship, love and trust. Those subjects are what matter most. Being family the quality of friendship is natural and being closer is even better. Lisa and I are not as close as some, but I have noticed that distance brings more closeness then being down the street. Living that close you won’t find much change and wouldn’t enjoy the time spent talking to each other as much, as if you were to live further away and create new moments everyday that you could share. I’d find that you may enjoy the conversation much more if there were new things to discuss.

My sister and I never really grew up together; she lived with my grandmother while I stayed at home with my mom. Besides the eight year age gap, she was usually busy with school, or working, but she attempted to make time for me when she could. During the short time period before adulthood, we managed to have several heated moments as well as many arguments but somehow we survived.

As she got older things begun to change, Lisa graduated high school and got a better job, and fell in love. While watching her steps, she made major discussions involving her new life as an adult. I was growing just as she was but not as fast, then again I was still much younger and in being young I didn’t know how to accept change.

After many years of growing and learning about change myself, I found a new type of connection with Lisa. I used to say the word ‘hate’ very often when she was around always vowing to never be like her, but deep down inside I found that I envy her and always wish I could have taken the steps as carefully as she did, to follow her lead as she offered it rather then to put all my energy to avoid it. I sometimes still imagined what I could have been like if I were to have followed her lead before I got hit with the detour that has brought me to where I stand.

Treasured

Something I treasured as a child was always my ‘little black book’.
It was something I really enjoy carrying around, because it was unlike a diary more of a book of my own feelings that I wanted to share with others. I started creating my writings at an early age (about 11).

It all started in 5th grade with my teacher Mr. Berlin. He was a great class leader he taught all subjects, but the one I favored most was writing. There were plenty of things to learn threw this teacher, how to make a boring essay in to something creative and helped me try to develop my ideas in to something to write about. I don’t think I ever had a tough time thinking about things to write about it was more like how to put them on paper, so I started my ‘little black book’. Everything I wrote in that book was not spelled correct nor had proper punctuation, but it had meaning. What more can you ask for, a simple book to enjoy my creativity. This book was blank paper, with no lines so if I wanted to create a masterpiece of art it was ok.

My ‘little black book’ became my obsession. I was not judged in anyway, unless I allowed myself to be subject to judgments by sharing my thoughts on paper in this book. What I came to find was that my thoughts in this book showed a side of me unexposed to my peers, and let them see an inner piece of me. Most of all the feed back I received after sharing this side of me was positive. I was never really nervous when I allowed someone to read my work, I was just happy enough to have someone find interest in what I had to talk about. Something as simple as a picture of rain while riding the greyhound visiting some place new, had a huge meaning.

A few things I wrote about were relationships, those were the scariest things to express because I never knew how they would turn out and mostly I used pen so I couldn’t erase very easily. Honestly I don’t think I really took the time to re-read my own writings, I just wrote and forgot until someone asked about this little book I carried. So many memories are stored in that book, locked up in storage for the mean time collecting dust; just waiting for someone to open it up and read threw my past and possibly in to my future.

My Name

My name is not very common, my mom was in a phase and my father had no choice in the matter. My name came from a movie star although I am no movie star. Audrey is my first name. My father’s heritage lies on the Mexican border and Vasquez is my last name before I take a married name.

My dream for my future would be to have my ideas & writings, such as Little Black Book published. I’ll begin to make a name for myself by giving you my personally invented quote which helps to begin my legacy, “behind a window I sit & stare, as soon as it opens everything disappears.” But before I get ahead of myself, I’ll need my GED
as my first stepping stone.

I have noticed in this class, I am not alone, during the feeling of my third attempt to get this education. Hopefully third times the charm, also I found that I think more on paper then I do aloud.

Shelton Washington is the current city & state I reside in, though it is not my only home. I’ve lived in sunny California for most my life then moved to the great Boston Massachusetts, there was a city I loved a lot even if it was only one year we shared memories. Mexico was a country I enjoyed while being young when the times grew tough.

The travel-trailer I sleep in is very small for my taste. I have had a much bigger place of my own, but this is what I have now. In this semi-family situation, I still pay my own bills. No children to look after only my dog and my husband-to-be helps look after me